No, you are not entitled to sit together on a plane
From the "fauxmoon" scam to public lewdness: How lovebirds are ruining flight for the rest of us.
Of all the annoying things couples do when they travel, the coerced seat swap may be the worst.
Kirstyn Allen saw it on a recent flight from Atlanta to the Caribbean island of St. Maarten. Two newlyweds boarded the plane after her and pressured another passenger to surrender her assigned seat so they could be together.
The displaced passenger sat down next to Allen.
“She seemed flustered and annoyed,” recalls Allen, a business consultant from Atlanta.
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Allen says it was the couple’s attitude that really set her off. They acted as if they were entitled to sit together on the plane and that the other passengers — especially those who were traveling alone — should defer to them because of their couplehood.
Couples do the most annoying things when they travel, and no time is worse than now. With Valentine’s Day just a few weeks away and spring break on the horizon, the lovebirds are in the air once again.
“There is something about travel that flips a switch,” says Mairéad Molloy, a relationship psychologist based in London. “Suddenly, ‘we’re in love’ becomes an excuse for the most tone-deaf, attention-seeking, and inconsiderate behavior imaginable.”
How annoying are couples who travel?
Ah, so glad you asked. There’s a list:
The coerced seat swap. When couples travel, they sometimes make their problem someone else’s. And nowhere is that more evident than in the forced seat swap, which Allen experienced. “Couples need to realize that if they have a problem, it doesn’t mean they have the right to inconvenience other travelers to solve it,” says Amber Lee, co-founder of the Select Date Society. “For example, couples will often fail to pay to choose their seat on the plane and then expect other travelers to switch seats so that they can sit next to each other.” Her advice: If you want to sit together, pay up.
The club. You know, the mile-high club. This is a broad category of misbehaviors, ranging from excessive public displays of affection to actual lovemaking on the plane. And there are variations of this annoyance. Rosalinda Randall, a San Francisco-based etiquette expert who offers workshops on courtesy and manners, spoke to a client recently who was seated next to a couple on a plane watching their own sex tape on an iPad. “They made oohing and moaning sounds as they watched it,” she says. “It was a very awkward situation.” And completely avoidable, too. Wait until you land. Then get a room.
The loud argument. “One of the most annoying and disturbing things is when a couple argues, fights or raises their voices in front of people on the airplane,” says etiquette expert Maryanne Parker. There’s a reason why people fight during their flight. Travel, and especially air travel, can be stressful. (Some people I interviewed for this story have even watched a relationship end in midair — that was painful to watch.) Parker’s advice? Work out your differences before you travel — or don’t travel.
The fauxmoon. Couples who claim they’re on their honeymoon in an effort to get a free upgrade are among the most annoying. Carla Sophia Layton, founder of the Socialite University School Of Etiquette, calls these fauxmoons. “Couples who falsely claim honeymoons or anniversaries to snag perks may see it as clever, but it violates etiquette’s cornerstone: honor,” she says. If you want an upgrade, pay for it.
The lack of common decency. Perhaps the biggest crime traveling couples commit is “the cardinal sin of being cringe,” says Lorena Basualdo, a luxury travel advisor who specializes in European vacations. “We know you’re on vacation and you’re so in love, but can you peel yourselves off of each other in public?” she says. This is a distinct category from the Mile-High Clubbers, whose lewdness is much more inappropriate. “I’m absolutely all for people enjoying traveling with their partner, but you still need to be considerate of other people and have respect for those around you. Public spaces require a bit of restraint.” (Also, excessive public affection can be illegal in some countries. Maintain a safe distance at all times!)
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Why are couples so annoying?
The reasons behind these increasingly grating behaviors are complicated.
“It usually comes from a mix of stress, narcissism, or lack of awareness that they’re sharing space with hundreds of other people,” says John Keegan, a dating and relationship coach.
In other words, some couples are in their own world, oblivious to the discomfort and irritation they are causing their fellow passengers.
“Remember,” adds Keegan. “Travel is a test of emotional maturity. Stay present with each other, but also stay grounded and respectful of your environment. You don’t need to prove your connection — you need to live it without being a spectacle.”
How to handle an annoying couple
Dealing with an irritating couple on a plane isn’t easy, but here are a few tips:
Move. Get as far away from an annoying couple as possible. If you can change seats, that fixes the problem with a minimum of fuss.
Politely ask them to stop. Use your “pleases” and “thank yous” and channel your inner diplomat. Some couples have an “us-against-the-world” mindset, so you have to tread carefully.
Ask a flight attendant for help. Crew members are trained to deal with troublesome passengers like amorous or entitled couples. Leave it to the pros.
I know — not the best options. Maybe the best option is to sit in a seat that guarantees you won’t be next to a couple. That would be an aircraft with just two seats next to each other in economy class, common on aircraft like the Airbus A330, A380, and Boeing 777. If you’re on a plane with a 2-4-2 or 2-3-2 configuration, and you’re in one of the “2” seats, you’re probably safe.
But it’s no guarantee. Consider what happened to travel writer Emily Hines when she was on a flight from Los Angeles to Maui, an island famous for its honeymooners. A couple in economy class did not allow the aisle between them to stop them from getting it on. They held hands and kissed for almost the entire six-hour flight.
“It was a completely full flight, so lots of people were walking the aisles with babies and heading to the bathroom, while flight attendants with carts were also present,” she recalls. “They would hold hands until people tried to walk by, and then they would immediately rejoin hands.”
Come on. Maybe the only thing that would be worse than a honeymooner blockade would be getting loudly guilted out of my seat by one of them. But I already have a prepared answer: No.
Your turn
Ever had to deal with annoying lovebirds on a plane? I want your stories. Let’s try to keep things G-Rated, people. Comments are open.
Anyone who has driven a cab knows this type of situation too well: couples in the back seat seemingly oblivious that they are in a public space. My usual comment to the offending couples was "would you be doing this in a Safeway produce section?" Obviously not, risking being wracked over the head with a pineapple. I would also say that a taxicab is not a bedroom or a movie set. I suggest saying to amorous couples that the airplane is a shared public space limiting all kinds of behaviors, commonplace civility in play here. Do not be afraid to speak the obvious. And make sure that flight attendants intervene. Unlike in a taxi, the pilot can't easily pull to the curb and say "Get out!" Maybe airlines should begin making parachutes optional.
There is one more reason that these idiots make a spectacle - they want the attention. In this SM obsessed world, all sense of decency and boundaries are out the window. I bet a lot of these faux lovebirds are hoping someone will film and post their "aren't we just so adorbs" shenanigans online.